Intermission: Love, 'Bin Style

 

 

Yes, I know I’ve been teasing a very choice Modern CultClassic for a bit, and it’s coming. But today is Valentine’s Day. It’s a day for red roses and candy and winged toddlers firing arrows at people for some reason. You know, a holiday! And to celebrate the day, I want to give you a Very Special Valentine.

(No, not like that, you sicko.)

It probably won’t surprise you that I like my Valentine’s Day the same way I like my movies and Christmas decorations: as absurd as possible. And just like the bad feature films and odd Christmas ornaments, I don’t really have to go out of my way to find these things. If there’s a great big over-arching thesis to The Bargain Bin Review, it’s that the world is choc-full of absurdity; you just have to acknowledge and appreciate it.

Which brings us to this:

I randomly stumbled upon this while at the local discount store the other day and immediately snatched it up. Best three dollars I’ve spent in a while – and I haven’t read a single page yet.

First, let us consider the cover for Her Kind of Cowboy: Tying the Knot in Texas. 

 

The cover art is remarkably tasteful for a romance novel – no stuffed bodices or oily torsos here – just a headless couple embracing by a wooden fence. Would I have liked to see some ten-gallon hats? Sure, but the setting fits the title just fine. Then, inexplicably, there are five puppies lined up by their feet. Why are they there? Is ‘her kind of cowboy’ the kind that wrangles puppies instead of cattle? Because I’m pretty sure that’s not what a cowboy does.

We also learn that this novel is the work of Dylann Crush. Yes, that is a pen name. And yes, I am intensely jealous cuz that is a fantastic pen name. I mean, “nolahn”? Pfttth.

Now let’s get to the back cover synopsis. There’s no artwork and though it’s tempting, I’m not going to transcribe the whole thing. Here are the highlights:

Zina Baxter…

Wow. I feel like I've failed my daughters with their pedestrian given names. You’re a wizard, Dylann Crush.

Zina Baxter has stood on the sidelines during most of the matrimonial mayhem. But when a disaster at the pit bull rescue has her relocating the pups to a space that will be shared with a winter wonderland scene, she finds herself smack dab in the middle of planning the craziest wedding yet.

Well, at least this explains the puppies on the cover. Are those pit bull puppies? I don't know -- I'm not a dogologist. Also, a winter wonderland-themed wedding in Texas is indeed quite crazy.

Alex Sanders…

It’s okay, Dylann Crush. No one bats a thousand all the time.

Alex Sanders ran as far and as fast as he could from his hometown – all the way to Antarctica. But a job opportunity as the penguin handler for an over-the-top wedding entices him back.

The dude is a penguin handler. This melted my brain. Is that a real thing? Apparently it is, though it only pays about $15 an hour.

So to sum up: Her Kind of Cowboy is the story of a woman who rescues pit bulls who meets cute with a penguin handler at some kind of winter petty zoo of a wedding. Got it. There’s a lot going on, but you know what Her Kind of Cowboy doesn’t have? An actual cowboy.

I’m going to devour this book.

 

Have a happy Valentine’s Day!